Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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