Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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