i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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