my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
