is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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