I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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