real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
vagina is talking i cant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
