hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
