New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
