I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
