I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
