Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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