Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
