I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
