My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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