Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
