I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
