Having a random hookup so left but love u
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back