If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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