Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
