i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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