Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
