That's intense
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize