Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
