He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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