the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
