im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
