I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
