Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
