I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
