fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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