Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
