So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
