Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
