Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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