I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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