saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
