I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
