I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
