i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
