I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Acid is not a monday night drug
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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