walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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