I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
