Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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