its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
