well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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