I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
