I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
