Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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