I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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