She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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