did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
