It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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