just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
