i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
