in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
