im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
